Embracing Identity: A Heartfelt Letter to My Family

Dear Family,

I am writing to you today to express my disappointment and hurt at the way many of you treated my transgender son, during the recent family reunion. I was deeply saddened to see that you continually deadnamed and misgendered him. Even after I reminded several of you of his affirming name and pronouns, many of you continued.

I can understand the confusion of the pronouns as I still accidentally misgender him after nearly three years. But he has gone by his chosen name since 2013. He has nothing in any of his social media that names him differently. Yet, many of you repeatedly said, “Well, I knew her as {deadname} for so long! It’s really hard to adjust!”

I understand that some of you may not understand what it means to be transgender. However, that does not give you the right to disrespect my child. He is your nephew or your cousin. He deserves to be treated with the same respect and dignity as anyone else.

Deadnaming and misgendering are not harmless mistakes. They can be very hurtful and can cause a great deal of distress. When you deadname or misgender someone, you are essentially telling them that you do not accept them for who they are.

I am asking you to please respect my son’s name and pronouns. It is not a big ask and would mean the world to him. I also ask that you educate yourselves about transgender issues to understand better why using someone’s chosen name and pronouns is important. If you are unsure how to do this, I would be happy to provide you with some resources.

I am extremely disappointed in how our family treated my son. But I am still hopeful that you can change your ways. I hope that you will take my words to heart. I love you all very much, and I want our family to be a place where everyone feels safe and accepted.

Sincerely,

Stosh

Transgender Advocacy

Initially, I wrote this letter with the purpose of addressing my family’s hurtful treatment of my transgender son during our family reunion. As I composed it, I realized that it could serve as a guiding template for other parents facing similar challenges. For many “transparents,” discussing their transgender child with family and friends can be difficult. As a writer, I found this letter to be the most effective means of communication.

Growing up in the Midwest, I understand the cultural tendencies towards avoidance and nonconfrontation. Both made these discussions even more daunting. Despite my family’s support in their own way, I couldn’t remain silent when they repeatedly deadnamed and misgendered my son during the gathering.

Yet, I couldn’t be prouder of my amazing child. He’s a bright and talented young man who has embraced his true identity with courage and conviction. While he faced struggles in discovering his authentic self, he finally found it. It is my hope that my family can come to accept and celebrate him for the wonderful person he is.

This letter stands as an earnest plea for understanding and acceptance. I extend my love to all my friends and family members. My goal is to foster empathy and growth within our family, ensuring that everyone feels valued and respected for who they are. I am here to support and educate. Together, I believe we can create a safe and accepting space for my son and all transgender individuals. Let us build a future where love triumphs over misunderstanding and where we can all embrace our unique identities with open hearts.

If you’re interested in learning more about Transgender Rights and being an ally, check out these websites:

Resources

1. Human Rights Campaign (HRC) – The Human Rights Campaign is a leading LGBTQ+ civil rights organization. Their transgender resources page offers information on transgender rights, advocacy, terminology, and how to support transgender individuals.
2. GLAAD – GLAAD is a media monitoring organization promoting LGBTQ+ representation and awareness. Their transgender resources provide information about terminology, tips for allies, and addressing common misconceptions.
3. National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) – NCTE is a social justice organization advocating for transgender people’s rights and equality. Their website offers extensive resources on legal issues, health care, workplace rights, and more.
4. Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund (TLDEF) – TLDEF is a non-profit organization dedicated to advancing transgender rights through litigation, education, and advocacy. Their website offers legal resources and information on transgender rights and policies.
5. Trans Lifeline – Trans Lifeline is a crisis hotline for transgender people operated by transgender individuals. They provide resources, support, and a helpline for those in need.
6. PFLAG – PFLAG is a support organization for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. Their transgender resources include educational materials, support groups, and guides for families and allies.
7. Gender Diversity – Gender Diversity is a nonprofit organization supporting transgender children and their families. They offer resources on gender-inclusive practices, educational materials, and support groups.
8. Transgender Europe (TGEU) – TGEU is a European advocacy organization promoting transgender rights and inclusion. Their website provides information on various issues faced by transgender people across Europe.