The Roller Coaster I Never Wanted to Ride: Grief

I have always been a fan of roller coasters, even as an adult. But in the unpredictable sea of emotions, grief becomes a roller coaster, thrusting us into twists and turns we never signed up for. As I embark on this journey through loss, it all began with the abrupt departure of my dear friend Kevin, triggering a cascade of emotions that led me to revisit the pain of my dad passing 14 years ago. 

Much like an unpredictable roller coaster, grief presents highs and lows that defy prediction. Losing Kevin hit me like a tidal wave, thrusting me into a journey where emotions were as unpredictable as the sea’s waves. From the sudden plunge into sorrow to climbing the hill of memories, experiencing the loop-de-loop of emotions, and finally, the slow descent into acceptance – each phase is a unique challenge in this emotional roller coaster.

This series of articles is an attempt to articulate the indescribable ride of grief, a personal journey through the highs and lows where each twist reveals a bit more about the healing process.

Navigating the Ups and Downs of Grief

Diving into the wild ride of grief is pretty much like hopping on a roller coaster you never signed up for. It’s this unwanted journey filled with unexpected twists, turns, and highs and lows that catch you off guard. When I lost my “brother from another mother,” Kevin, last month, it hit me like a massive tidal wave, and suddenly, I found myself on this roller coaster of grief and emotions that’s anything but smooth. Buckle up because we’re about to navigate the ups and downs of grief, and trust me, it’s a ride only those who’ve been on it can truly get.

The Plunge into Sorrow 

The news about Kevin slammed into me, a sudden drop like a roller coaster’s nosedive. Shock, disbelief, a gut-punch of loss—all at once. Navigating that first plunge was like grasping for solid ground in a storm. Emotions swirling, pain’s winds made reality elusive. But, stubbornly, I clung to hope, aiming to find stability in the emotional tempest.

Climbing the Hill of Memories 

Then comes the climb – reminiscing about the good times, the laughter, and the shared moments. It’s bittersweet, climbing up that hill of memories. Remembering Kevin’s quirks and our unique connection has become both a source of comfort and a challenge. As I ascend the terrain of cherished moments, there’s a delicate dance between the warmth of nostalgia and the sting of realizing those moments are now confined to memories. Each step up this hill is a journey through a haze of emotions, where joy and sorrow intermingle, creating a tapestry of the life we once shared.

The Loop-de-Loop of Emotions 

Grief isn’t linear; it’s this loop-de-loop of emotions. Some days, it’s the loop of sadness, missing Kevin intensely. Other times, it’s the loop of anger, questioning why things happened the way they did. Each loop is a different emotion, and there’s no roadmap to navigate them. It’s like being tossed between these emotional loops, a relentless cycle where the terrain changes without warning. Amidst the loops, there are unexpected twists, moments of unexpected laughter, and even glimpses of fleeting peace, making this journey through grief a constantly shifting landscape that defies any semblance of predictability.

The Slow Descent 

And then, there’s the slow descent, the gradual acceptance that Kevin is no longer physically here. It’s like easing into the reality that life has changed, and it won’t be the same without him. The descent is a poignant journey, a step-by-step acknowledgment of a new normal, where Kevin’s absence is a persistent companion. Acceptance doesn’t mean the ride is over. In fact, it’s far from over. It’s more of a recalibration, a continuous effort to find a way to keep going despite the pain. It involves discovering strength in vulnerability, embracing the scars left by grief, and learning to carry the weight of loss while still moving forward.

The Unseen Turnaround

As I reflect on this roller coaster of grief, I realize it’s a journey unique to each of us. It’s not a linear path but a series of loops, climbs, and descents. Acceptance doesn’t mark the end of the ride; it’s more like finding a way to keep going despite the twists life throws our way. So, whether you’re in the loop of sadness, the climb of cherished memories, or the slow descent of acceptance, remember, you’re not alone on this roller coaster. Let’s navigate it together, sharing our stories and supporting each other as we find strength in the midst of the emotional chaos.

This roller coaster of a series invites you to hop on the emotional ride, sharing the car as we navigate the loops and drops of grief together. Riding the waves of losing Kevin and reliving my dad’s departure, writing becomes the safety bar, guiding me through this roller coaster of emotions. Let’s make this coaster a bit less lonely by sharing highs, lows, and twists – a collective journey toward solace, connection, and healing. Thanks for taking a seat on this coaster with me. What’s your roller coaster story?

Next Article: Riding the Roller Coaster Grief: Shared Twists and Turns – COMING SOON!