Riding the Roller Coaster of Grief: Shutting Down 

The Roller Coaster Chronicles: Navigating the Loops of Avoidance

Life has a way of resembling a roller coaster, and grief, well, it’s the wildest ride in the emotional theme park. As I delve into this journey of loss, it all began with the unexpected departure of my close friend, Kevin. Little did I know, his exit would set in motion a series of emotions, reopening the vault of pain from my dad’s passing 14 years ago.

Much like an exhilarating roller coaster, grief doesn’t come with a manual. It throws us into twists and turns we never signed up for. The loss of Kevin crashed over me like a tidal wave, propelling me into a tumultuous ride where emotions mimicked the unpredictable waves of the sea. From the sudden plummet into sorrow to the ascent of memory-filled hills, navigating the loop-de-loop of emotions, and eventually descending into acceptance — each phase unfolds as a distinct challenge in this emotional roller coaster.

Navigating the Roller Coaster of Avoidance, Money Stress, and Writing

The Urge to Hit Pause

Ever had that feeling where life throws too much at you, and you just want to hit the pause button? That’s where I’m at. I have this strong urge to shut down, to escape the roller coaster of grief. There comes a moment when life’s challenges feel like an unrelenting ride, and hitting the pause button becomes an instinct. It’s like navigating the twists and turns of emotional upheaval, seeking refuge in a protective bubble. But it is only a momentary escape from the tumultuous journey. In this retreat, one finds a quiet interlude amidst the chaos, mirroring the brief pauses between the exhilarating peaks and heart-pounding descents of a roller coaster ride. It’s a delicate dance between the need for respite and the continuous motion of life’s emotional thrill ride.

Avoidance Loops

Avoidance is like navigating a roller coaster. It’s not just picky about where it takes you, but it sneakily winds its way into every nook and cranny of life. Picture dodging tears and memories as if you’re on a thrilling loop, only to realize it’s also about skillfully maneuvering around responsibilities and challenges. It’s akin to a temporary escape – like the adrenaline rush of a roller coaster ride. However, in the long run, this escapade adds an unexpected weight to the shoulders. It turns life into a roller coaster with twists, turns, and an occasional need to face the challenges head-on.

Financial Plunge

In the broader picture, addressing financial stress feels like navigating an unwelcome rider to an already full coaster. Let’s face it – they’re not just crashing; they’re prolonging their stay, overstaying their welcome. Avoiding the whole numbers game, bills, and the dreaded bank statements is more than a momentary escape. It’s my way of saying, “I’ll deal with you later.” It is a dance of dodging the bigger issues, all while the financial intricacies play the long game in the background. Postponing the money talk is like hitting snooze on a crucial conversation, allowing the emotional roller coaster tied to finances to keep looping in the background.

The Roller Coaster of Stress

Life has taken a wild turn after losing Kevin. It’s like navigating a roller coaster – trying to avoid one loop only propels me into another. Dealing with the emotional aftermath and PTSD from Kevin’s passing sets the stage for this intricate ride. I ignored the emotional turmoil, and suddenly, the financial stress became an unexpected drop on the coaster. Suddenly, the journey was even more unpredictable. Brushing off money matters is like a momentary pause between loops. However, it adds an extra layer of emotional weight, turning the thrill ride into a relentless cycle. In this whirlwind, the effects of Kevin’s loss and PTSD act like unexpected twists. They make the ride even more challenging. Recognizing this white-knuckle ride between emotions, finances, and the enduring impact of Dad and Kevin’s absence is my first step in steering through the loops of grief and finding a smoother track ahead.

Penning the Emotional Coaster

So, here’s the kicker – writing is once again becoming my reliable thrill ride. It is again guiding me through the twists and turns in the murky spaces of my mind. It’s not just a description. It’s like having a heart-to-heart with my thoughts, a tool to unravel the layers and, with luck, discover that elusive switch to illuminate the shadows. Each word is a loop, propelling me on this intense journey of self-discovery as I navigate the emotional highs and lows. As I pen down my thoughts, it’s like gripping the safety bar on this mental roller coaster, ready for the unexpected yet hopeful for the exhilarating moments that may lead me out of the shadows and into the bright clarity beyond.

The Thrill of the Written Ride

In this roller coaster of emotions sparked by Kevin’s loss, I’ve begun to navigate loops of grief, avoidance, and financial stress. Writing is again becoming my anchor, a tool for self-discovery amid the chaos. Each word is a grip on the mental roller coaster, hopeful for moments of clarity beyond the shadows.

This roller coaster of a series invites you to hop on the emotional ride, sharing the car as we navigate the loops and drops of grief together. Riding the waves of losing Kevin and reliving my dad’s departure, writing becomes the safety bar, guiding me through this roller coaster of emotions. Let’s make this coaster a bit less lonely by sharing highs, lows, and twists — a collective journey toward solace, connection, and healing. Thanks for taking a seat on this coaster with me. What’s your roller coaster story?

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